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junho 24, 2009
Portugal (Pronounced Poor-Jew-Girl)
A melhor entrada de sempre numa plataforma wiki sobre Portugal:
Ancient Way of Life
Ancient portugeese weren't too different from modern ones: men used mustache as soon as they were considered adult. The mustachedresser was called bigodeiro. They used codfish as a weapon. Os Lusíadas, an epic poem by Camões, sings about the Big Codfish War (yes, the poem was actually alive; ergo, it sang;), where Vasco da Gama discovers his ancestors in Neverland and fights against them for possession of the Codfish Mines in Norway. Camões describes fifteen kinds of weapons based on codfish. The most popular kind was undoubtedly the swordfish. Portuguese were also very prosperous people. Portuguese cities were the biggest in the world. Indiana Jones found the ruins of Fatima and concluded that it was bigger than Portugal itself.
Kings and such
Sorry, there have been no kings of Portugal. Portugal has been ruled by Socrates I for time immemorial since anyone can remember.
Trying to usurp the power
Mozart and Beethoven tried to rule Portugal during this period, but they never made it - King Eusebio just wouldn't let them. Wagner came with his gracious Valkyries trying to be king, but the best he could do was to build Portugal's first quality brothel. I got my first job there. Several statues from the latin-greek antiquity tried his luck, but they didn't know that Portuguese people were Latin- and lactose- and bronze- and statue-intolerant (the only intact statue in Portugal is King Eusebio's; all the others have at least a corrosive pigeon shitbomb).
Portugeese expansion
The portugeese people wanted for more women and codfish. They constructed strong and fast ships and traveled all over the world! In one of their travels, they met Galileo, who taught them how to be killed by the Pope. Then they met Napoleon who taught how to be an Italian in France. As if it was not enough, they met Dante Alighieri, who taught them how to frighten by a Divine Comedy. These were quiet profitable learnings, and so the portugeese established secret colonies, which they disguised as codfish traders. There are also rumors that portugeese people were in Mozambique. Kofi Annan tried to steal info from the portugeese, but so far Mozambique is, still, a land to be found. But in all truth it wasn't until some Portugeese king or other married some bird from Lancaster (England) and had a lad called infant Henry did they really discover anything. Oh, and don't forget that Columbus was in fact the bastard half brother of the at the time king of Portugal. He wasn't born in Italy as many would make you believe, but in a little village called Cuba in the southern province of Alentejo.
Publicado por [Chuckie Egg] às junho 24, 2009 09:27 AM
Comentários
Premiozinho para o Spectrum no Activismo de Sofá. Congrats!
http://www.activismodesofa.net/2009/06/premio-lemniscata.html
Publicado por [JRV] às junho 24, 2009 10:45 AM
Há é um ponto que me incomoda no texto. O uso do "portugeese". Nos EUA os miúdos de origem portuguesa (mas de segunda-geração) costumam ser alvo de chacota no recreio com a alcunha de "geese", que é o mais depreciativo que se pode arranjar específico para lusos. A coisa naturalmente também sai para fora da escola, e acaba por ser o "nigger" para portugueses. Não que eu tenha muito laivos de correcta politiquice, mas fico um bocado com medo de me estar a rir com alguém que se está a rir de mim,...
Publicado por [Ricardo] às junho 24, 2009 02:37 PM
Finalmente algo despreciativo melhor do que Tuga. É bem sabido que uma identidade só pode ser afirmada sem complexos quando finalmente recupera o termo descriminatório: os "maricas", os Niggas, os Spics, os Guinea. e finalmente nós os geese!
Publicado por [PP] às junho 24, 2009 03:59 PM
No Canadá o termo depreciativo para tugas é "chops".
urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=porkchop
Publicado por [Tárique] às junho 24, 2009 06:22 PM
Acho que os Black Panthers identificaram-se com outros termos,... nem tanto com o "nigger", que só passou a fashionable quando aliás o movimento já estava moribundo... mas isto sou eu que digo...
Publicado por [Ricardo] às junho 24, 2009 10:41 PM
Querem insultos a Portugal? Leiam isto e vejam quem é o autor...
http://andersen.classicauthors.net/ThePortugueseDuck/
Publicado por [anonimo] às junho 25, 2009 11:32 AM